I like to look

So now that I live further away from the city, I catch up on long lost reading. I love reading, and I imagine what the story would look like or what characters look like whenever I read.

I’ve just finished re-reading a book by one of my favorite authors, Gregory Maguire. He is very good at re-telling much loved fairy tales like Cinderella and Snow White and puts an adult twist on them. It’s written in such a way that I can almost believe that this could have pre-empted the fairy tales we know today.

Because I’m a kid at heart and love a good fairy tale, I’m revisiting my childhood in a way that’s probably more appropriate for my age. But who cares about age?

I’ve just finished reading a book based loosely on the story of Cinderella. The protagonist is a girl who is considered ugly, yet loves to ‘look’ and is in the end recognized for being an artist. I can identify with the protagonist in a way I may not considered as beautiful as say a model, (I’m interesting to look at 😜) and I love to look.

I love colors, patterns, shapes. People tell me I’m not observant. So I don’t always notice that I’ve overcooked my meal until the smoke alarm goes off (in my mind, the food is well cooked) or that I’ve gotten on the wrong bus to go home and realize two stops too late (I did that last night in the way home from work) But I notice different things.

I notice the sparkles on a jacket that even the wearer didn’t realize was there. I notice the way people laugh and marvel at how different people look when they smile (or hide my own laugh at people’s laughs – some are quite funny, even my laugh is ridiculous). I notice patterns and the effects they have.

I also love people watching; what people wear or how they interact. Although it can be hard to be invisible to watch others when I wear florescent colors and bright flowers in my hair (my theory is, I’m short, and people wouldn’t notice I’m there otherwise. My husband may disagree when I talk his ear off, but that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it).

That’s one of the reasons I love photography so much; there is so much to see when people stop and simply look around them. Like stopping to see the squirrel pop out between the bushes, or stopping to watch the mother duck herding her ducklings across a footpath.

I’m reminded of the joy I feel to see so much beauty in this world God has created. It contrasts radically with the grim stories I read in the newspaper.

I am reminded that I this world is broken; living in a darkness not seen by the naked eye. This saddens me, and moves me to tears at times. I don’t like to see this, but it is also a part if this world that I feel is important to see despite the darkness. To me, God’s strength is found in brokenness. Hope is restored, and people grow more into themselves.

I see so much death, and rebellion, I feel the devil is clapping his hands in glee. I have first hand, suffered horrible visions of my own mistakes, distorted and amplified by the lies of the demons of this world. I see so much brokenness in my own city, the city that I’ve come to love. I see pain, I see loneliness and I want to comfort those afflicted. But I always can’t. And that’s a horrible feeling to have. The want to help others, and the feelings that what I can do seems insignificant.

I get the feeling not many people see the darkness, or if they do they ignore it. If there are those living through a thick impenetrable fog, a lot don’t notice until much later in life, or in some cases, they don’t notice until its too late.

I see many things; things that make me smile and marvel in Gods creation and things that tear this world apart. Such a contrast, it’s heavy but it’s real. It’s hard to see the ugliness past your own front door, but I encourage people to face what they see and take responsibility. I want to take more responsibility of the things I see and have the power to make a difference.

Whether it be to tell a story through the viewfinder of a camera or to serve others with a joyful heart and attitude.

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