So, the main reason I wanted to start blogging was because I felt God leading me and wanting me to develop my writing. I’ve always sensed that God wanted me to write for Him, which is amazing in itself, but I never seem to get around to doing that. I haven’t written in my journal for a while either. It’s hard sometimes when I have a full time job and I’m using my spare time not for Him, but for my own gain; like my photography business. I haven’t prayed about it all that much, truth be told, I haven’t prayed, really prayed, for a while now. A lot of it ties into my own ideas about myself and my self image, self worth, and also, my sinfulness.
Whilst I believe it is healthy to have an awareness of one’s own sinfulness, it’s not healthy to constantly put yourself down, of which I am very talented in. Hence the title of this blog; I’m in a lull, and don’t feel it can shift easily. I feel I need support from people; I’m an extrovert and I feel “energised” when there are people around me. In my first post on “Beyond the Viewfinder” I posted about hating weekends, due to lack of strong friendships in my church. I felt lonely, and vulnerable when I wrote it, and the comments received, I was very encouraged by them, to those people I thank because I realise I’m not alone in this.
So despite the fact that I am not in the best place with God, He still provides for me what I need, and the times I have prayed – and prayed about friends, He has still supplied me with a small network of people that I can come to; that I can trust, and be encouraged by.
So, to whomever reads this, and maybe in a similar place like mine, take faith! Because God is still there. He still provides, and will go to extraordinary lengths to get you to notice Him. I know that He has for me, and I’ve been ignoring them – indulging in my own selfishness for a little more, because it’s easy and changing means a “spring clean” of sorts of my spirit. Washing away the cobwebs, the junk, the dirty laundry seems too hard. But, I’m not giving up. I’m way too hard on myself to do that.
I do need to get to a place where I accept myself, and if I could ask for prayer for this, I would really appreciate it.
Thank you to those who see this, to take the time and allow me to express myself. You have given me the encouragement I need so badly.