Self Appreciation

So, I’m going overseas in approximately five weeks, and I’m really excited to be going.

My mother called me up about 18 months ago and said “Flea, that’s it, I’m taking you overseas!” well, I was more than happy to agree, as the prospect of going overseas is always exciting. As I was going through my clothes this evening, swapping my summer clothes to my winter clothes (because that’s how the weather is in Melbourne, it’s best erratic, and winter starts at about April, despite the fact that the winter months in Australia, technically, are June – August) I realised how many clothes I was throwing away. Clothes from before I got married, I still had in my wardrobe in the hope of fitting into them again.

Tip: unless you are really aware of what and how much you eat, don’t consider getting married until you consider his eating habbits. I learnt that the hard way. On my wedding day, I was fit and healthy- one year later, I packed on 3 clothes sizes and had gotten unfit, lazy and very unhappy and wondering how the hell did this happen?? I’ll tell you what; laziness and portion distortion happened. Fast forward to today, heading into my fifth year of marriage, and I’m still struggling with that extra weight and trying to get it off. I’m much healthier than I was in that first year of marriage, despite what our family likes to tell us, and how much harder we need to try. We get it, thank you for being the constant drones in our ears reminding us of our health and well being. After all these years we’re finally listening to you. But I’ll never admit fault – I mean, who likes to admit to their parents that they were right after all these years?

Back to this evening: I realised that I didn’t appreciate my body and hadn’t for a very long time. Even at my healthiest, I didn’t accept my body, thinking I was out of proportion, and now I just feel chubby everywhere with elephant thighs and a bum that may rival J-Lo’s. My husband isn’t complaining and it would be nice to look in the mirror and see what he sees.

Would it be ironic after all this to say that I love watching television shows “how to look good naked” and “what not to wear?” I’ve learnt what suits my body and what doesn’t. There are parts of my body that I like, and learning to appreciate, and parts that I can’t bear to look at in the mirror. I try to make a habbit of looking at myself in the mirror maybe once a day, and really look. It’s a hard thing to do, but it does help. If only I could get to the point of self acception enough to not feel defeated when I throw out my favourite dress that I haven’t been able to fit into for nearly six years. Maybe that’s my fault; don’t have anything in my wardrobe over two years old that I don’t wear/doesn’t fit. Then my illusions of myself will finally come to a place that’s closer to reality.

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